Today I had an interesting talk with a medium of the Casa. I went to her in hopes of finding out more about the two crystals that I received as a gift from the Entities.
I am supposed to keep them hidden from others and meditate with the crystal designated as male in my right hand and female in my left hand. I sit in the current rooms meditating with my hands in these "socks," small bags in which I hold the individual crystals in each hand. The crystals are for protection, and I'm supposed to sleep with them under my bed. The medium was firm in her belief that I should not leave the Casa and Abadiania. Tomorrow I leave for Brasilia. After two days, I will fly to Rio de Janeiro.
I have been going through the line a lot to stand before John of God to keep the Entities abreast of my situation. I understand the suggestion to sit in the current rooms, but I get asked to behave or leave the current rooms when the malicious entity attached to me acts out. Recently, outbursts have been fewer, and no one has asked me to leave. But the attached entity keeps talking to me and wanting to swear. It holds back. It demonstrates in small ways that it can act out if it wants to. Perhaps some would say the crystals or Entities working around the Casa are restraining them.
The most frustrating experience that I have had is with staff telling me that this possession is all in my mind or that I can control the attached entity whenever it tries to swear through me or act out. My experience is that I cannot control this entity when it wants to act out. It subjugates my will. People aware of Spiritism and obsession know that subjugation is possible, so it was confusing that no one seemed to get what was going on with me. The feeling of going in circles persisted. I was asked to sit in the current rooms, told that I could control the attached entity's outbursts, then asked to leave the current rooms when I couldn't.
Yesterday I went before the Entities again with a more direct request for depossession or spirit releasement. I went with a staff person who has worked with John of God for some years, and I was very grateful that she took the time to assist me. Standing in line, passing through the Medium's Current Room, the attached entity swore loudly. (I had explained to this staff person that I had no control, and she seemed to believe me.) When she relayed my request in Portuguese to the Entity incorporated in John of God, the incorporated Entity rolled John of God's eyes and tilted his head back and spoke to the translator. The translator told me that the Entity incorporated in John of God had already removed the obsessing entity, and I was to meditate with the crystals in the current rooms. My time was up. It was the next person's turn.
Outside, I tried to explain to the woman who helped me that I didn't understand how the obsessing entity could be gone. I told her that it wasn't me who swore in line passing through the Medium's Current Room. At that point, I don't know if she continued to believe me. Yet my experience had not changed. I still heard the voices, and whatever is possessing me was still able to move and speak through me. I did not believe the obsessing entity was gone. With respect to the translation, the Entity's word seemed to be final with no further explanation.
When I explained this situation to some Brazilians I know, they told me that I need some powerful work, and that I could get this work in Rio de Janeiro. I know these friends have my best interest at heart. And they know the Spiritist centers in Brasilia and Rio. They personally will be taking me to meet people who may be able to help me. My friends told me that I needed to develop skills as a medium in order to protect myself from further attack, and to be able to get my own answers about these matters in the future. I listened to their suggestions and considered my experience at the Casa, which sees hundreds of people daily, and understood that I would be able to get more time with mediums at these other Spiritist centers. There are many mediums in Rio, evidently, so lines can move quickly and one can ask more questions and receive more detailed information.
Thankfully, people whom I've met who have put themselves in my position have said they would want the same answers that I am seeking. I believe the answers to my questions can be of great value not only to me, but to others. What is the process of transforming and releasing strong entity attachments? How does one protect oneself from these malicious "otherworldly" influences? Is a religious life or the practice of mediumship necessary for defense? To what extent does shadow work or reading, seeing, listening to certain media make one vulnerable to malicious entities? Is there any element of chance involved in getting possessed? Does karma always play a part? Through past traumas, alcohol consumption, innate psychic abilities, or whatever, I do think certain people may be more open than others and are more likely to attract spirits looking for someone to possess.
I have enjoyed Abadiania and met many people who have helped arrange for me to continue my exploration of Spiritism in Brasil. I would love to return to Abadiania, to the little dogs trotting across the street, the large puffy clouds in the sky, the friendly people, the occasional gusts of red dust from the unfinished sidewalks or worn streets. I've met wonderful people here from all over the world who are willing to talk about spirit obsession and healing over a cafezinho, and who take a genuine interest in what it means to heal. I believe this conversation will continue in Brasilia and Rio.
